It’s a small thing, but I do it. I share my delight in watching a travelogue that slightly embarrasses me, that I spend any time rapt by the English canal countryside from a narrowboat, narrated by a wholly unfamiliar middle …

Enchanted Read more »

If there is one thing I know for sure about trauma and survival is that if we put two brains together and put them under a scan, the traumatized brain would be lit up and on fire right now. Survival skills …

Survival Read more »

After Appelfeld, ז״ל The [trauma] “was etched inside my body, but not in my memory. “In my writing I wasn’t imagining but drawing out, from the depths of my being, the feelings and impressions I had absorbed because of my …

On Memory Read more »

Zazen is a fluid thing where distinctions never match my actual experience. The cat climbs onto my lap, circles into the curve of my ankle and settles. I sink into whatever this is. This unhappy unknowing. Metta for everyone, to …

4th Floor Window Read more »

The two bald toddlers are cancer patients. There are pizza boxes spread all around the end of the hospital bed, surrounded by IV pumps, on the hematology-oncology ward of Children’s Hospital. The main patient is two years old; they are …

Hope Read more »

My father was a disturbed man. It is not his death I mourn when his yahrzeit comes every year; it’s something else. This is a complicated grief. Today his yahrzeit brings up less terror and more sadness as I trust …

Yahrzeit Letter Read more »